The Gandhi Quote I’ve Been Getting Wrong for Years (And What It Taught Me About Leadership)

For years, I’ve been quoting something I believed Mahatma Gandhi once said: “There go my people, I must follow them for I am their leader.” I’ve used it in talks, in workshops, and in conversations where I wanted to challenge how people think about leadership.

Recently, I discovered he probably never said it.

That moment stopped me. Not because I got a quote wrong, but because it made me reflect on something bigger. As leaders, we often feel the pressure to have the right answers, the right words, and the right message. Yet trust is not built on being right all the time. It is built on being real, being accountable, and being willing to learn in public.

So rather than quietly moving on, I chose to pause, own it, and share what this has reinforced for me. Because the reason I held onto that quote for so long still matters. It speaks to something I have come to believe deeply through years of coaching in high-performance sport and the corporate world – observing leaders under pressure and working with individuals striving to perform at their best.

At its core, it points to a simple but often misunderstood truth: leadership is not about choosing between leading and following. It is about understanding the relationship between the two, and having the awareness to move between them with intention.

Or, as Laozi so powerfully said, “To lead people, walk behind them.”

Lead or Follow? The Wrong Question

That idea isn’t new for me. In fact, it takes me back to a moment earlier in my career when I applied to deliver a TEDx talk in Scotland. The proposed theme was simple: Lead or Follow?

I didn’t get selected.

At the time, I remember feeling disappointed, especially after the hours of preparation that had gone into the application. It felt like a missed opportunity to share something I cared deeply about. But with the benefit of hindsight, I can now see that I wasn’t quite ready – not because I lacked experience, but because I was asking the wrong question.

I was trying to separate two ideas that were never meant to be divided.

Leadership is not binary. It is not a choice between being a leader or a follower, as if they are fixed identities we must commit to. Instead, it is a dynamic and ever-evolving relationship – a constant movement between stepping forward and stepping back, between guiding and observing, between speaking and truly listening.

And perhaps the most important shift for me has been this: before we can lead or follow others effectively, we must first learn to navigate that relationship within ourselves.

The Inner Coach: Leading and Following Within

As a coach, I often talk about the concept of the “inner coach” – that voice within all of us that guides, questions, challenges, and supports. Over time, I’ve come to realise that this inner voice is not fixed in one role. It does not operate solely as a leader or a follower. It moves between the two.

There are moments when it must step forward – clear, decisive, and confident – helping us take action and commit. And there are moments when it must step back – curious, reflective, and open – inviting us to listen, to learn, and to better understand what is really going on.

The quality of our leadership, both personally and professionally, is shaped by how well we develop this internal relationship between leading and following. Before we can guide others effectively, we must first learn how to lead and follow ourselves with awareness and intention.

What Tennis Taught Me About Leadership

Tennis has been my greatest classroom. It is a sport that strips everything back to the individual and exposes who you are under pressure. On the court, the player is the leader. There is no one else out there with them in the heat of the battle. They must problem-solve, adapt, regulate their emotions, and find a way to stay out there one point longer than their opponent. Tennis has a way of revealing your character when your threshold is tested.

But behind every player is a coach, and this is where leadership becomes more nuanced.

Because the best coaches don’t start by leading – they start by following. They listen with all of their senses. They observe body language, tone, and energy. They ask questions, not to direct immediately, but to understand deeply. They take the time to see the human being before the athlete.

As a coach, I’ve learned that my world has to become the player’s world before I can help shape it. Only then do I earn the right to guide, to challenge, and to lead.

I once asked the great Judy Murray (OBE) a simple question: “What makes a great coach?” Her answer: “Someone who listens.”

And when you really sit with that idea, it becomes clear that listening is not just a skill – it is an act of leadership. Because at its core, listening is following.

Language, Identity, and the Inner Voice

One of the most overlooked aspects of leadership is language. Not just what we say to others, but what people say to themselves.

In tennis, players have approximately 20 seconds between points. In that short window, their inner voice either builds them up or tears them down. It is in these moments that performance is shaped, not just by skill, but by self-talk.

As coaches and leaders, the words we use matter more than we often realise. They shape identity, influence belief, and become the phrases people fall back on under pressure. Over time, those words become internalised and form the foundation of someone’s inner coach.

So when we lead, we are not simply giving direction – we are shaping the internal dialogue of those around us. And the only way to do that effectively is to first understand what is already being said. Once again, leadership begins by listening.

Following Builds Trust. Leading Builds Direction.

In my experience, particularly when working with female athletes and leaders, one truth continues to stand out: “people don’t care how much you know, until they know that you care.” Now, this quote is most commonly attributed to John C. Maxwell, the leadership author. And, you’ll also see it pinned on Theodore Roosevelt, as it certainly fits his brand of leadership.

Following – through listening, observing, and genuinely seeking to understand – is what builds that care. It creates a sense of safety. It builds trust. It allows people to feel seen, heard, and valued.

Only then can leadership truly take hold.

Because leadership without trust quickly becomes control. It feels imposed, disconnected, and often resisted. But leadership built on trust becomes something entirely different. It creates ownership. It empowers individuals. It allows people to step forward with confidence, knowing they are supported rather than directed.

Following builds the foundation. Leading provides the direction.

7 Leadership Lessons: The Dance Between Leading and Following

Through my journey in coaching and leadership, I’ve come to see that the real skill is not in choosing whether to lead or follow, but in learning how to move between the two with awareness and intention.

1. Follow before you lead.
   The more deeply you understand the person in front of you – their drivers, their fears, –the more effectively you can guide them. Without that understanding, leadership becomes assumption.
2. Listening is a profound leadership skill.
   It is not passive. It is an active, deliberate choice to step into someone else’s world and see things from their perspective. It is the foundation upon which all meaningful leadership is built.
3. Create ownership rather than dependence.
   In tennis, the player must ultimately lead on the court. In business, the same principle applies. Great leaders do not create followers who rely on them; they create individuals who can think, decide, and act for themselves.
4. Language shapes performance.
   The words we use externally and the words people repeat internally matter. They become the scripts that guide behaviour in high-pressure moments.
5. Lead in the moments that matter most.
   There are times when leadership requires clarity, decisiveness, and direction. Knowing when to step forward is just as important as knowing when to step back.
6. Step back to allow others to step up.
   The most powerful leaders are often the least visible in moments of success. They coach and create environments where others can take ownership and thrive.
7. Master the dance between leading and following.
   Leadership is not a fixed identity. It is a fluid, responsive process. The best leaders are those who can move seamlessly between guiding and observing, directing and listening, leading and following.

I may have been wrong about the quote.

But I believe in why it mattered.

Because the best leaders I have seen – on the court, in organisations, and in life – do not rush to the front. They take the time to understand. They listen deeply. They follow first.

And then, when the moment calls for it, they lead.

– Coach EM